Stress Journal; Entry 2

When I finally get to shop again, I may need an intervention at some point….

I have 18 months before I will be able to do much of that (or at least 8 until I can visit the states), so in the mean time I plan on losing a lot more weight and toning up like I’ve been working towards.  As a treat, I am going for a new look. I can’t even call what I have going on now a look. I have just been in the “I don’t give a damn” mode since we got here. There is no place to buy anything (affordable) anyway and buying online is a risk, so I figured “why bother”.  I am determined to be a new woman by the time we are back home to stay. I have changed and grown SO much since I left home as a new mom and a new wife. Not all of it was for the better, but I can learn from it all.

The biggest lesson I learned was to take care of myself, so I am able to take care of my family. Putting yourself dead last turns into stretching yourself so thin that there just isn’t enough left of you to go around. So my closet is full of worn out clothes or newer things that just don’t fit(thank you internet shopping)

Keith and I both have been easing into taking better care of ourselves, so eventually we can take better care of each other. Yes, we let things get THAT bad in our marriage. Military life can do that if you let it. Hell, LIFE can easily do that if you let it. We are doing nothing but running ourselves into the ground. He is more resistant to change, but hopefully I can lead us into the right direction. Like you have heard me say many many times before in this blog, it’s all baby steps with me (us). While “looking good” is not my top priority- “FEELING better” is!! So I will go with what is already in my nature and plan ahead. I will admit I’m a compulsive list maker and the right kind of list can turn into a small bit of hope.

Hoping and dreaming is what is going to get me through the next 18 months of my life. So I am going to make my lists, dream about my new home after Germany, hope to be living closer to my family, and work my ass off to salvage my marriage. We will in turn make MUCH better parents if we can just get our ducks in a row and get a handle on the out of control stress in this household.

My diet is going pretty well. I have had a few slip up days, but have stuck with it. I haven’t lost any more weight, save the initial 10 pounds, but I didn’t expect to see immediate results. I have been going to the gym as often as I can(4-5 nights a week) . Even when I don’t feel like it. Thank goodness I have a friend to go with or I would make excuses and eventually fall out of the habit.

I am holding off buying clothes even though I desperately need them.  I just don’t want to have clothes to fall back on if I start feeling like I want to quit.

The rest of this entry is just a shopping list.  I am still loving flare jeans, so expect to see a lot of that 🙂

Flares; Crew Neck Pullover

White Flares; Sheer Top

I think I could pull this off 🙂

Flares; Flowy Tank; Floppy Hat

Love the belted fair isle sweater!

I am in desperate need of better fitting t shirts, but can’t find any online. As usual. I want thin shirts, preferably V neck, that aren’t too short, and I don’t look like a box in!

AND this jacket. I could and will live in this jacket!


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